Unalterable Gratitude

Can I just say, "I love my church!" Kevin, our pastor, knew exactly what was needed.

So lately I have been pretty hard on myself. Questioning my soul. Questioning all of my actions. There was one night when I had myself convinced that I was not a good person. It was to say the least an emotionally charged night when my life and everything that surrounds it was challenged. Ever since then I have been trying to recover. Trying to pull my being back together, a re-centering of sorts. Today at la Aldea (my church) helped.

It was titled "Thanks" which seems befitting for the weekend before Thanksgiving but it was so much more....

My life was falling. Why had it taken such a dive for the worse? What had a lost sight of? Or really more of the question was what had I turned my focus on? The sermon today talked mainly about focusing you life. You see, what I think had happened to me was that I had turned my focus away from the good in my life and turned to look at the shortcomings of my life. What I learned today and what makes total sense is that whatever you focus on in life determines how you feel about your life. Rather than searching for something more in my life I should be centered on what I have in my life now. The saying, "I'll be happier when....." should never exist. If that is all that my mind repeats to myself I will never be able to see the beauty in today. Never be able to see all of the amazing gifts and people that surround me on a daily basis. Gratitude should be the constant focus of my life. It isn't something that one just says but rather it is a way of life a sort of intentional practice that must be done on a consistent basis. A path that guides you through life. A path of unalterable gratitude. The someday life is not the way to live. Beauty engulfs every space around us, we just need to be aware of it.

Those who know me, you know that I am an extremely emotional person. But to cry in church just thinking of how foolish I have been and how truly blessed I am was a first for me. I am thankful for honest friends, for good health, for love that encompasses my being everyday, for being able to enjoy the outdoors, for every breath that fills my lungs. These past few weeks have been dark for me and I am glad that my eyes have opened and are seeing the wonders around me.